Even injustice has its good points. It gives me the challenge of being, as happy as I can in an unfair world.
We all experience unfortunate situations and undergo sorrow in life. In a bad situation, its normal and healthy to feel upset. However, dwelling on misfortune and sorrow most of the time keeps you trapped in a cycle of self destruction.
Do you see yourself doing the following?
You often say:
- Why does this happen to me all the time
- The world and/ or people are there to get me
- I am always the only one this happens to
*Complaining about your day most often
*Find faults in your life and how bad it is
*find it difficult to be grateful for things in life
If you’ve said Yes to most if the statements above, your’e hosting yourself a pity party. You are suffering from “the poor- me syndrome”.
You tend to feel awful about the the situation more than it actually is, making yourself feel worse. You delude yourself into inaction by constantly dwelling on how bad you feel rather than accepting the situation.It may induce and keep you in the loop of anger. resentment jealousy or envy. Its a cycle where you’re unlikely to perform to your optimum and when you experience challenges your’e likely to have failures thus feeling more pitiful. Its like , telling yourself, ‘I know nothing can happen so whats the point of doing anything’, and proving the same over an over to yourself. You focus only on the negatives, choosing to overlook things in life to be grateful for.
You allow yourself to become grumpy and grouchy. Someone who complains all time doesn’t make for a good company and it doesn’t help you solve problems or move closer to solutions for sure.
The way out
In order to stop feeling pitiful, you need to stop indulging in pitiful behavior but proactive problem solving and mindfully alter your pity unducing thoughts.
Even when you cant change the situation, you can change how you feel by changing your attitude about it. When you catch yourself hosting your pity party re-frame the way you’re thinking currently about the situation, ask yourself:
*Whats another way of looking at the situations
How will my role model look at the situation and what would he say. Take inspiration for someone you look up to establish an alternate view of the problem situation.
*What would I tell my friend stuck in a similar situation?
We may often tend to be more encouraging, emphatic and supportive of others than ourselves. Advice yourself exactly what you’d tell a friend in your situation and apply it.
*Whats the evidence that I can manage o get through this?
Look for past instances of your wins. Recognize your skills that will help you manage or come out of the problem.
Seek external support and guidance if you need.
Self pity is often accompanied by inaction and avoidance of problem solving behaviors. Practice Gratitude. Find at least one thing each day to be grateful for. It can be something as small as a good, filling meal or comfortable air conditioning at home. Practicing gratitude is one of the best things you can do to actively shift focus on what good persists in your life.
*Be Kind / Volunteer
I’ve often given lunch money to a bunch of kids outside a coffee shop I visit regularly. Random acts of kindness can fill your regular day with a sense of purpose.
*Actively adopt behaviors that enable problem solving or bring you closer to feeling better.
As soon as you notice yourself pitying yourself or building your helpless story, stop. Look for what you can do and bring to the table to empower yourself. Whats your role in the situation. ASK: Do I want to give my power away by playing helpless or I am willing to write my own story my way?